Market Place Moments: Appreciation, by Michele Howe
Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace" (Luke 7:50 TNIV).
"The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out." (Dale Carnegie in "How to Win Friends and Influence People")
There is something wonderfully enigmatic about sensing that another person notices your efforts -- weak attempts though they may be -- and kindly expresses such recognition with even a single word of thankfulness. One paltry word, even? Yes. A mere word can make or break a person's spirit.
On any given day, individuals, young and old, from every life background have an inner, and frequently unidentified, hunger for a bit of expressed goodwill. Dale Carnegie knew this secret over fifty years ago and spent his life reminding others that all people have this need. It's a "craving" to receive validation for their accomplishments, their purpose, and their very person. Carnegie notes that, "... the rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand."
Cynics may grouse that there's a fine line between appreciation and flattery or between affirmation and manipulation. Well, it isn't so. Flattery is simply verbal manipulation that benefits the speaker alone. The words may be true or not, that's not the point. Flattery is about the one speaking it and his or her gain, not about the person receiving a false or exaggerated compliment.
Cynics may grouse!
Appreciation runs deeper. It marks another's actions or attitudes and sees the benefit in the attempts ... no matter how insignificant. Real appreciation also alters both the speaker and the recipient, for the good. It spawns renewed vision, encourages continued efforts, and lights a fire for ongoing perseverance toward excellence.
Perhaps the most significant difference between flattery and appreciation is that one offers life in abundance while the other signals an inner death knell to the listener. People instinctively know if they're being schmoozed and it's always an ugly thing.
The question then is how to offer praise genuinely when someone is glaringly lacking from every visible vantage point. Again, wise and resourceful Carnegie offers this quote as a starting point for zeroing in on others' strengths, hidden though they might be: "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him" (Ralph Waldo Emerson). Wise words and utterly true.
In short, as we practice the art of identifying people's strengths and offer words of consistent appreciation, we will take part in their success. This will naturally spill over positively, affecting countless others. Today, begin focusing on the strong points of people and then commit to communicating daily sincere appreciation to all. These few powerful words, which cost us so little, will be treasured by the recipient long after we've forgotten them, and there's nothing insincere about it.
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(c) 2007 John Wiley & Sons, Inc. All rights reserved. Published
by Josey-Bass. A Wiley Imprint. 989 Market Street. San Fransisco,
CA 94104-174. www.joseybass.com
6 comments:
That is REALLY, REALLY good. Thanks for posting it. That was one of my late sister Janet's strongest points as long as I can remember - her ability to make others feel encouraged and appreciated. I really miss having her in my life.
What a great post to read first thing in the morning! Wonderful thoughts. Thanks, it's something we all need to remember! Everyone has the need to be validated...even if it is just to know that someone hears what they are saying. I nned to be more aware, thank you for reminding me today.
OOPS! I forgot to tell you...I tagged you for a little meme.
This is really a good post. I have a really old hardback copy of How to win friends and influence people. I keep it on my bookself and get it out once a year and read it. It's just a really good book and to think it was written so long ago and the basic principles still apply today.
Great post Dianne!
Hugs!
Kat
Oooh this was very good! Wow! A friend emailed me with a very simple word, a simple sentence, yet it spoke life to me. It wasn't about flattery but in those short words I knew that God was speaking and it was like water to the soul, to the spirit. It wasn't that I needed the validation, but God knew what I was needing right then, right at that time...oh hard to explain...but yes, awesome.
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