The Gift of Grief

I’ve been trying to decide where to go with this all week.  Some of what I’m probably going to say is roughly formulated in my head, but I have a feeling the bulk will come out as I just start typing, but isn't that what blogs are for - just to get it all out there?? 

I really don’t even know where to start except to say that this week has made me think long and hard about life – again – about experiences, people God brings into our lives, their influence, the things we carry with us without always being conscious of them and the things and people who make us who we are. 

Anyone who knows me well knows that I tend to be an emotional person – easily brought to tears over children, memories, heartfelt stories, work (ugh!), relationships – pretty much anything deemed ‘meaningful’ in life. 

Last weekend, I saw a post on Facebook that one of my favorite all-time people had passed away.  I gasped when I saw it.  Without naming names or going into any detail out of respect for his family, he was one of the managers that I worked for during my years at Chick-Fil-A at Southlake Mall.  He was actually one of the two people that hired me.  I have always said those were some of the most fun and best years of my life – because of the company, the people, the sense of family, the fun, the work ethic we all learned, and the camaraderie.  I’ve never looked it up until today, but the definition of ‘camaraderie’ is ‘mutual trust and friendship among people who spend a lot of time together’ – and that is definitely what we had during those years.  He was a motivator and a visionary.  He was fun, funny and a real ‘anything’s possible’ kind of guy.  As I listened to his Celebration of Life service this past week, I heard that he was that to a lot of people. 

We had a get-together about 4 years ago of the old crew that used to work at our store.  It was a wonderful time to reconnect and even in planning it and hearing from people who weren’t able to attend, that sense of camaraderie is still alive and well!  We are all MUCH older now, but we all still share the sense of family and what those years meant to all of us.  At any rate, this former boss was able to attend, and it was wonderful to see him.  Lots more I could say here, but as mentioned above, out of respect for his family, I won’t.

In thinking through this ‘gift of grief’ theme, I admit that I have a very hard time with the emotion associated with loss.  It leaves me pensive and emotional, yet so thankful for the years I have known that person, whoever it is, and that’s where I’m at now.  I’m sure most of us feel this way.  I have lost a few friends who passed away long before they should have and I have lost a number of people whom I have respected and looked up to throughout my life.  This former boss is one of those.  I’m so sad to know he’s not here anymore, but I know where he is (!!), and I am so thankful that I had the chance to know him. I have always smiled when he came to mind, and I know that will not change!

I’m learning that while grief is hard, it’s also a gift because it is a tangible reminder of the people who have shaped us and made us into who we are today.  That lesson is certainly not lost on me, and the older I get, the more clearly it comes into focus.  When I think of it that way, although I hate the way grief hits me, I can honestly say, as hard as it is, there is not one single thing I would do to change any of the circumstances that brought these people and my love for them into my life.  God had His reasons for having our paths cross, and that is a gift in and of itself. 

An Unexpected Encounter @ Walmart

I went to Walmart yesterday - wound up leaving with a couple of things I went for, but more importantly, something I didn't go there looking for - a new friend.  I had done all of my 'shopping,' added totals, put some stuff back - the usual.  Before I left, I found myself over in the grocery section, on the paper goods and cleaning items aisle to be specific.  I wasn't looking for anything in particular, just seeing what they had - or so I thought.  As I was looking, a woman passed behind me and said, 'Do you see any disinfectant wipes?'  I told her I didn't, then looked at her, smiled, and made some off the cuff comment about how crazy things are right now.  She immediately took that opportunity to start talking about the book of Revelation and how things are unfolding right before our eyes.  Without going into all of the detail, she began telling me how she has had such a restless spirit, hasn't been able to sleep lately and has been up at night praying about all of the unrest in the world right now, etc.  Of course, since the episode(s) in Minneapolis had just happened, that was what she was referring to most immediately.  I hate to have to stop and say this because in my eyes it doesn't matter, but it helps to make the point - she was a black woman and shared that she was 65 years old. She went on to tell me that she didn't know if I was old enough to remember segregation, etc. I told her that I was 58 and really don't remember any of that. She went on to say that she has such a hard time understanding things now because her mother had worked for white people who were good as gold to her family - gave them food during the year, made sure they were taken care of during the holidays, clothing, home furnishings, etc - just everything that people do when they care for each other.  Her mother passed away in 1962, the year I was born, so I guess her mom never knew any different.  This new friend went on to share her story in her battle with cancer, losing her husband, having surgery for blocked arteries and her thyroid, but what shone through all of that was her spirit and her trust in God and all He has seen her through.  We probably talked for at least 45 minutes right there on the paper goods aisle!  Before we parted ways, she asked me what church I attended.  I told her 'First Baptist Jonesboro' - and as only God could orchestrate that meeting yesterday, she shared that she also attends there as well!  That led to another 10-15 minutes of discussion, but let me know how cool it is that God can bring people together anywhere - even on the paper goods aisle in Walmart!

I have come to realize that segregation ended when I was a young child, and I am so thankful for that!  I was not raised to be prejudiced, and I am thankful for that as well.  I look at the world now and can't understand why people act the way they do except for sin and greed - and people of every race are guilty of that!  I don't understand, but I do know it's a huge problem the world is facing right now.  My mind keeps coming back to a song of Mandisa's that I heard a few years ago.  It was true then, and is true today - 'Bleed the Same' - I just can't get those lyrics out of my head, so I'm sharing them here:

Bleed the Same

Mandisa - 2017

Woke up today

Another headline

Another innocent life is taken

In the name of hatred

So hard to take

And if we think that it's all good

Then we're mistaken

'Cause my heart is breaking

Are you left?

Are you right?

Pointing fingers, taking sides

When are we gonna realize

We all bleed the same

We're more beautiful when we come together

We all bleed the same

So tell me why, tell me why

We're divided

If we're gonna fight

Let's fight for each other

If we're gonna shout

Let love be the cry

We all bleed the same

So tell me why, tell me why

We're divided

Tell me, who are we

To judge someone

By the kind of clothes they're wearing

Or the color of their skin?

Are you black?

Are you white?

Aren't we all the same inside?

Father, open our eyes to see!

We all bleed the same

We're more beautiful when we come together

Let's stand united!

We all bleed the same

So tell me why, tell me why

We're divided

If we're gonna fight

Let's fight for each other

If we're gonna shout

Let love be the cry

We all bleed the same

Let's stand united!

We ALL need to take Mandisa's advice and stand united!  It's the only way!  

Amazed by Grace

Sometimes I am absolutely amazed at the things that come out of Grace's mouth. More times than not, her words are hilarious, true, and directly to the point. She has a mind like a steel trap for detail...sometimes that's good, and sometimes it's bad. We've all had to look at each other at some point and say, "She's right." :)

Anyway, the story, for now though, is this:

Grace had her 11th birthday on April 13...a little over two weeks ago. Here is a picture from that night to give you a graphic:

You'll see Kate's knee and laptop on the couch behind Grace. I was on the floor taking pictures as Grace was opening some of her birthday stuff, and decided I needed a picture of Kate, since I haven't taken any of her in quite a while. With her being almost 16 now, pictures aren't so much her thing anymore, but I aimed my camera anyway and was about to shoot when she looked up and said, "Don't!" and ducked down behind her laptop.

Needless to say, I didn't try anymore, but I said, "Well, you better be thinking about it because before I leave tonight, I'm going to get Grace to take a picture of me and you!!!"

Kate's response was, "Maybe."

I looked at Grace and just sort of shrugged, knowing for sure that I'd eventually win (!!), to which Grace turned around to look at Kate. I mistakenly thought Grace was going to tell Kate she needed to do it since I'm such a fabulous aunt (!!), BUT this was Grace's response:

"Uhhh....Kate.....YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN SHE IS!!!"

I said, "GRACE....Hello!!!! I can hear you!!" Grace just started laughing and said, "Well...she is!"

I mean, how do you NOT laugh at that?? My goodness! Kate truly is a beautiful girl now. Here's a picture of her about a year ago to prove my point:

I'm not complaining because I'm very proud of BOTH of them, and I'm thrilled that Grace thinks her sister is the greatest thing since sliced bread, BUT wow.....she just cracks me up sometimes!

Total Praise

Our choir singing Total Praise....an awesome song!

The things God uses....

Hard to believe it's been almost three months since I've posted anything here! To be honest, not only have I not posted anything, but I have rarely, rarely been checking blogs either. It's funny how things can run in spurts like that. Anyway, it has been a eventful (almost) three months. But first things first...I will post more in the coming days, but this gets the ball rolling.

The last time I posted was March 29. Looking back, all I could think of or see then was the end of tax season on the horizon. Little did I know what was in store just a few short weeks later.

There is always a huge sense of relief that comes with April 16, just knowing life is returning to normal, we have one more bonus check coming on May 1 without having to work the extra hours...now THAT is what truly feels like a bonus! :-) It just feels like a huge relief.

I don't know how to approach what I want to say here without just pouring out my heart. My goal is not to be overly dramatic, but to just share what has been going on.

When you are single, as I am, there are a precious few friendships that take on true 'family' types of relationships. I am the first to admit that I have great friends and have been blessed beyond my fair share in this area. I realize these relationships are God's provision for me because it's not always easy being single in a 'married' and 'family' type of world. These people wedge themselves into my life and into my heart and when things happen with them, I am deeply affected on personal, emotional and spiritual levels.

Getting to the point: My friend Dee has been cutting my hair for probaby about 18 years. When I was looking for a new hairdresser, little did I know, when I got her name and number from another friend, what a huge part of my life Dee would become. She has her shop at her house, so when you're there, you're the only one there, unless you bring someone with you. This set-up gives a great opportunity for sharing and personal conversation and we have had many great discussions and laughs through the years. She has been a sounding board, confidante, just everything that makes a good friend a good friend. I can only hope I've been half that friend to her. I have no idea where we crossed the line of being hairdresser/customer to fabulous friends, but it's one of those things that seemed to happen quickly. We just clicked. I have often told Dee that getting my hair cut, highlighted, or both, every few weeks is like having a birthday every month because I LOVE that time with her and it's like I get to celebrate every month! I have meant that from the bottom of my heart, and she's known it! I should also add here that Dee, her sister Melanie, and their whole family....and families....are among these people that have 'taken me in' as family over the years. We all go to church together. Additionally, me, Dee, Melanie, and another friend of ours, Connie, celebrate each other's birthday every year with dinner and movie....the birthday person's choice, of course. I just really could not be any closer to any of these three girls. We are all in choir together as well.

At choir practice on May 6, during our prayer and devotion time, Melanie was given the floor to speak to us that night. She shared that Dee had been diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. Hard news to hear. I was stunned. Dee was there that night and after Melanie got through sharing all this, Rick, our Minister of Music, asked Dee if she wanted to come down front and let some of us come pray with/for her as she headed into all that was in store. Now, Melanie and Dee are altos, and Connie and I are sopranos, so we are on opposite sides of the room, but when Dee got up to go down front with Melanie, Connie and I quickly sprang from our seats to join them, as did many others. Rick prayed a great prayer, and we continued on with practice. Connie couldn't quit crying, I was pensive. Not emotional....yet. I am a thinker. I have to look at things from all angles and get the facts. It took about a week for the emotions to hit me, but when they hit, they really hit!

At this point, Dee has been through 2 of her 6 chemo treatments. This last one was a bit harder to bounce back from than the first one, but her only real side-effect has been fatigue. She's had touches of other things...but the fatigue has been the most prevalent. Her blood counts have been good and her outlook has been fabulous. She is just amazing in the way she has handled it and in the peace that has filled her. God is giving her an awesome testimony in the midst of all this. It is humbling to see Him at work and it is inspiring to see her move through these days.

I have long known that God uses things in our lives to drive home the fact that He is sovereign and in control. This has been another one of those things in my life. I have shared here before about the lessons I learned when my friend Tracy was killed many years ago. I learned then that I don't need to take people for granted and just assume they will always be there. I have kicked myself over and over for being in a hurry the last time I spoke to Tracy on the phone, which wound up being the last time I spoke with her. I have learned not to leave words of appreciation unspoken. People need to hear them, and we need the assurance that we've done our part in speaking them. Luckily, I had always done that with Tracy, but with her life being cut short at such an early age (33), it just proved to me that you never know and it's best to say too many words of appreciation than not enough! I am so thankful that I've done this through the years with Dee (and she has done the same with me) because it gave me a natural position to step into with this diagnosis. I didn't have to try to step in and draw close because these are hard times. We were already there! What a blessing!

While these lessons are being driven home yet again, God is dealing with me deep in my soul in very personal and spiritual ways about this stuff with Dee. I am seeing Him at work in ways I've never seen before. I am seeing her live a testimony before my eyes that touches me and humbles me in ways I've never experienced before. I am seeing, as it says in Isaiah 26:3 - "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." She has this perfect peace and a strength that leaves me envious. I just don't have it right now. I want my friend well. I am beyond confident that our prayers are being answered and that God is healing her, but I hate like everything that she has to go through all that she does. I know that God has given me the role of being a supportive, encouraging friend to her, and that, above everything else, is my goal right now. This is all SO not about me, but I can see, and feel in my heart, that God is using portions of it to 'grow me' and stretch me to places I've not been before and I am grateful for that. I am grateful that He's using Dee to take me to these places because I know once this is all over, my spiritual life will be deeper and stronger, and the closeness and friendship that Dee and I have will be even sweeter. I'm thankful for these places, and the lessons, even if they hurt.

Dee has a website at CaringBridge.com that her sister, Melanie, is facilitating. Dee is writing the journal entries, or most of them, and Melanie is posting the entries and adding pictures. It's a great place to go and be encouraged, so if you're interested, you can go HERE to read her story, from her perspective. (You may have to enter your e-mail address and a password to get in, but it's only a formality.) You won't be sorry!

New stuff....believe it or not! :-)

It's been SOOOOOOOOOO long since I've posted anything, but I've not done anything except work and regular life stuff...no huge goings on to report, etc, BUT, I am finally working on the new blog site I mentioned a while back posting only sermon notes. However, I've been to a couple of things this year where I've heard great 'words' as well, so I'm going to use it not only for sermon notes, but other 'insightful' things I attend or come across. Right now, I've only got a couple of new things on there and am working on getting the posts that are already on this blog moved over, but after that, I'll start with the new stuff. My intent is to have it all by date, by month, by sermon title, and by sermon series if all goes well. Hopefully I'll get it all done this week, or I will make that my intention anyway. Too bad I've let so much time slip by....I've got a LOT of posting to do in getting up to date!

Hope all is well with all of you blogger friends. I know many of us are keeping up on facebook now as well, so it's not like we're totally out of touch. Cyber-friends are a good thing, huh?

Check back later this week. I'll have the new blog title and website posted.

Have a great week!

My friend's book

Oh yeah, I meant to mention on my post last night that the friend I have had longest in life, Connie Ellis, has had a book published! It's a devotional book titled, 'Don't Eat the Chicken Livers.' I haven't gotten the lowdown on the title yet, but I intend to!

Connie is, seriously, the friend I have had, literally, ALL my life. Her dad and my dad were friends before we were even born, so it would just follow suit that we would be friends as well. We didn't always live close to each other, but when we were in Jr High, her family moved up the street and around the corner from us and we just picked back up like we'd been together all our lives. It is so rewarding to have friends like that in life. I can think of things we've experienced together so many years ago and still just get tickled. We went through Jr and Sr High together, I was the maid of honor in her wedding and if you are on facebook, one of my albums, 'My first nieces,' is of her daughters. They are a blessing just as she is...as they say, 'the apples don't fall far from the tree."

I am so proud of Connie and this endeavor. I am eager to get my hands on a copy of her book soon and hope YOU will do the same. She was posting devotionals online at one point and I had a link to get to them, but somewhere along the line, this book started coming into play, so she couldn't post them anymore. I had wondered over time what was going on, but had never asked, then the other day on facebook she used her status bar to announce that her book had been published! I was, and still am, SO happy for her and will be getting my hands on a copy of her book soon.

'Don't Eat the Chicken Livers' by Connie C Ellis.

Check it out!

Once again...

So here's my big question, yet again....'Where in the world does time go?' I can hardly believe I haven't posted anything since December 26. WOW. It looks like I started a post on December 31, one about New Year's no doubt, but didn't finish it enough to post it. So, where has time gone?

All I know is that tax season 2009 is here! Our long hours didn't start until this past Wednesday, but tax season began with a vengeance on January 5 and hasn't let up since. I've probably only had about 3 hours of non-billable time since then! As slow as it had been at times, I am glad, but boy have I been tired! It would be easy to go on here about the economy and how many of our clients, as well as our firm, are affected, but that's really something we all already know, isn't it? Here's what I know...I have a job...God is in control...and I am blessed! It is hard though to talk to clients who have small businesses that are having to lay people off or having to close altogether.

While I admit that I didn't vote for Obama, I am eager and ready to see where he takes us as a country and what is in store. There's no sense in bucking anything now, all we can do is to pray for him and his administration and support him the ways that we can. Hopefully it won't take as long as they are projecting for things to turn around....that is my prayer anyway.

With that said, I am sad to see George Bush leave office and I hate that he's taking the beating in the press that he's had to take because much of what he's inherited to deal with was started prior to his taking office...he's just been left to deal with it the best way he and his administration could. There have been days when his approval rating was very high and when the unemployment rate was very low....it's too bad he's leaving office with both of these things in such contrast to what they have been in better days. I can only hope as time passes, his presidency will be viewed differently than it is right now. He's gotten a bum rap, in my opinion. Deedra at 'Down on the Farm' has a great post about Bush.....you can go here to read it.

Nothing much has really been going on except work, so I don't have that much to post about, but I did want to at least leave a quick note to say I'm still alive and well. I have really fallen off the wagon with the sermon notes, so I need to catch up on that as well. I actually thought a little earlier today that it might not be a bad idea to start a new blog of just sermon notes....I need to decide that before I get any further behind. If I do, does anyone have any idea if I can transfer the ones I've already posted to a new blog instead of having to retype them?

Thanks for stopping by. I'm off to catch up on more blogs. Hope you have a great week.